How to Identify if You Are in an Abusive Relationship

People in abusive relationships are at risk, and if they have children, are putting the children in harm's way. If you sometimes wonder if you are in an abusive relationship, read on, for your own sake (and that of any kids involved).

• Know the warning signs:

Blames you for his / her anger.

• There is a difference between a person having an occasional bad day, and a person consistently blaming someone else for their problems.
• Attempts to always find someone else responsible when things go wrong, or referring to him/herself as a "victim of circumstance" should raise a red flag.

• Serious drug or alcohol use or other addiction.
  
  
  • Is your partner addicted to drugs, alcohol, or being in control over things? Does s/he self-medicate to try to get away from problems? Does s/he try to avoid problems instead of dealing with them? If so, your partner could be trouble.
• History of violent behavior.
• Threatens others regularly.
• Insults you or calls you names.
• Trouble controlling feelings like anger.
• Tells you what to wear, what to do or how to act. Tries frequently to keep you away from friends or family. Isolation is a form of brain-washing and manipulation. S/he is trying to keep you away from people who could help you, or who could influence your opinion of this relationship.
• Attempts to move/relocate the household frequently to "start over" (it's part of removing you from your support network - i.e., friends and family).
• Threatens or intimidates you in order to get what s/he wants.
• Throws away, accidentally breaks, or causes your favorite possessions to "disappear" when you have upset him/her.
• Tires you out and makes you doubt yourself. This usually comes in the form of escalating trivial arguments into full-blown mega-fights which last hours... and hours... and hours. (this is also an effective form of mind control)
• Accuses you of "making up" problems or relationship issues to have something to worry about.
• Says hurtful things, but later swears that he/she didn't and accuses you of "having memory problems".
• If you find yourself doing things because "s/he will be angry otherwise," or "because s/he will break up with me if I don't," then this person is controlling you in an unhealthy way. From there, it's a very short step to actual emotional and/or physical abuse. See How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.